My "sorda" vow of silence

Well, the Lord has definitely taken me on a new adventure this week.... A "semi" vow of silence!  For those of you who know me, you know this has got to be good....and interesting.  Have you ever heard it said, "Be careful what you ask for?"  Well, I am living that right now!

Yesterday morning, during my quiet time, I started writing in my prayer journal.  Like most times, I was asking God to change me, make me more like Him.  I was asking Him to give me a love and patience for my children like He has for me.  I was asking Him to use me more right where I am.  I was telling Him, "I want to be more like You, so when others see me or hear me, they actually see You". 

To take you back a little ways, my prayer, for as long as I have known it was a problem, was for God to help me control my anger with my children.  I have just desperately needed God's help to not let their disobedience and disrespect affect me the way it does, so that I can correct them in love and teach them about God's love.  How God loves us NO MATTER who we are or what we do.  But how can they know God's love, if my love is so hard to see?  If I am impatient and mean when they are "bad", how can they understand unconditional love?  That's not unconditional, it's conditional.  I am not saying they do not need to be disciplined, they do.  What I am saying, is that I need to learn how to discipline IN LOVE.

Not only have I wanted to be a better mother, but a better friend, not just to my friends, but to my extended family.  I have asked God to change me to have a heart like His.  A heart that does for others not because they deserve what I am doing, but because Christ did for me, when I definitely did not deserve it. (and then Wednesday night at church the message was on the "Good Samaritan" from Luke 10, which was more conformation God was speaking to me)

Yesterday morning when I was praying, and writing, all the verses that I have been teaching my kids kept flooding my heart.  Ephesians 4:29 "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Philippians 2:14 "Do all things without murmurings and disputings:" Romans 12:10-21 (which I had them memorize) and so many more verses about the tongue, about lying, about how we speak to one another, about being a peacemaker, and about controlling our spirit.  These verses where flooding my spirit like a wave.  God's sweet voice whispering to me, "This is what you need".  So I was talking to God, asking Him, begging Him really, to help me be that person and do what these verses say.  And just as sweet and just as quietly I heard the whisper, "Your mouth".  In that conversation of my searching for what God wanted me to do with "my mouth", I felt very strongly that not using it for a time will help me learn to control it.  Not only will it help me control my tongue, but it will teach me to be a better listener as well.  After my prayer, I felt confident that Jesus is starting this in me the day before His crucifixion for a reason and that I may begin talking on the day of His resurrection for a reason as well. What better day for me to stop talking and start reflecting on who I am in Christ??  And then what better day to begin talking again than on the day of new beginnings and new births?  On the day my Jesus rose for me?  To save me?  I am completely humbled and honored to take this "semi" vow of silence, so that Jesus can teach me, so that I may listen for His voice, and so that I can be more like Him and less like me.

(And it is a "semi" because I am whispering when necessary....I do home-school my children so I felt confident that God was okay with me whispering.  Yesterday was a great test... There was so much I wanted to say, but couldn't because either someone couldn't hear me, or whispering was just annoying....I did however, have to teach co-op yesterday so I had to talk for that, but this is a journey, and the point is that I am learning and God is changing me.... another reason it is a "semi" :))

I do ask for your prayers during this endeavor. Prayers that God will continue to change me and that He will give me the ability to "hold my tongue".

Forever His,
Michelle