I have been meaning to type this since Saturday night, but you know how life gets in the way.
I am going to be completely honest, day three was HARD!! I was getting on my own nerves with the whispering. My kids were constantly saying, "Mom, can you please just TALK to us?" Ha... There were a few "accidents" where I talked. One was at Family Christian Book store. I am not proud of the moment, and it was definitely an "aha" moment. I felt like when I got in the car God was saying, "and THAT is why I wanted you to take this vow". What was said is not a big deal, but the gist is that two ladies at the register where having a conversation, and without even THINKING about it, I interjected my two cents. (neither one of them asked, and then after I had my say, they both looked at me with the expression of, "who asked you?") When the moment was over, I was so ashamed. However, I got it. I saw the sin, and I learned from the situation. My opinion does not always have to heard. In fact, most of the time it doesn't. Unless someone has specifically asked for it and I have prayed about how to respond. So many times I think, "Oh, I really need to tell them what I think about this!" But truly, I don't. In fact, none of us do. The Bible only talks about using The Word for correction a few times, while it talks about "loving you neighbor" and "using your words for good" all throughout. I definitely worry too much about letting everyone know my OPINION and not enough about letting them know what God's word says! I do not always have to be talking just to talk.
I really do not believe I ever realized just how much of my sin revolved around my mouth. I know last blog I mentioned about "praising and cursing" coming out of the same mouth, and interrupting people while they are talking to me. This last day, laziness was another aspect that was brought to light. I didn't realize how much I "hollered" for people. "SAMANTHA, BRING ME _____." "MCKAIN, WHAT DID YOU SAY?" "PARKER, YOU BETTER COME HERE RIGHT NOW!!" What a lazy bones I am! Well, when you are taking a "vow of semi-silence", you cannot yell for people, so I had to get up ALOT!
I am walking away from this "vow" different. Maybe others can't see as much on the outside, but there is a big difference on the inside, and I know in time, it will work it's way out. I honestly wish I could still whisper. I cannot describe the peace I felt those three days. There was such a closeness with God, such a fellowship. My MOUTH wasn't getting in the way. This vow may be something that happens again and again until I get it right. I know that I am willing to do whatever God calls me to do, because I am so desperate to be like Him and to be close to Him.
My precious and loving Father, thank you for what you are doing in me. Thank you for loving me enough to spend time on me and change me. Thank you for being patient and long suffering with me. Thank you for blessings I DO NOT deserve. And most of all, thank you for my precious Jesus, who took my cross and died in my place, but who overcame death and the grave and rose again, for me, so that I can spend forever with you!! I love you!!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Friday, April 6, 2012
Day 2 of the Vow of Semi-Silence....
Okay, so number one thing I learned today is I talk A TON!! I really do not believe I ever realized just how much my day consisted of me talking. It has been so nice to hear what others have to say for a change. I am not saying that I never listened to people before, but usually, I was just waiting til they took a breath so I could say what I wanted to say. (ugly confession #1) I am always telling the kids "when you are talking to someone and you want to say something, count 3 Mississippi's once they have stopped, and then begin speaking" (yes dad, I was listening :) ) Too bad I am not practicing this one anymore!!
So much of what I have been trying to teach the kids over the past few months about their mouths is EXACTLY what I need to learn. Another example...
James 3:10 "From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so"
(I think this is where we get the term "Kiss your mother with that mouth?"... Ha) I am always telling my kids you cannot say something hateful one minute and something sweet the next and expect the nice thing you said to have any affect. For me, this is a "Praise your Father with that mouth?" kinda problem. My no talking, also includes no singing (ouch). As I was listening to praise and worship in the car with the kids, all these words I just typed came to my mind. All the time I am praising my Jesus, my Creator, and my Comforter. Always telling Him "thank you" and worshiping who He is. But out of that very same mouth, I am complaining, whining, disrespecting others (my husband mainly...ugly confession #2), yelling, grumbling, etc.... the ugly list goes on and on. These things cannot be so. I cannot have both things come out of my mouth and expect God to inhabit my praises. Uggg, why does it take me so long to learn these lessons?? Now I am by no means saying that I have now mastered this problem and it will never happen again... by NO means. But I am aware of it now, and I do know that if I want to be in the presence of the Almighty and if I want Him to respond to my words, I better watch them carefully!!
There are just no words to express the joy in my heart today. I have had to speak some, to my grandparents, to the people at the garden nursery where I bought the organic vegetables we are planting tomorrow! (yay!!) And a couple of other times....But when I speak, it is different. It isn't much and it is with careful humility, because I know I am supposed to be honoring a vow and I so desperately want God to bless it!
My continued prayer my gracious and loving Father is that you will change me. Give me a heart like yours and a love like yours. When people look at me, I want it to be You they see!
So much of what I have been trying to teach the kids over the past few months about their mouths is EXACTLY what I need to learn. Another example...
James 3:10 "From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so"
(I think this is where we get the term "Kiss your mother with that mouth?"... Ha) I am always telling my kids you cannot say something hateful one minute and something sweet the next and expect the nice thing you said to have any affect. For me, this is a "Praise your Father with that mouth?" kinda problem. My no talking, also includes no singing (ouch). As I was listening to praise and worship in the car with the kids, all these words I just typed came to my mind. All the time I am praising my Jesus, my Creator, and my Comforter. Always telling Him "thank you" and worshiping who He is. But out of that very same mouth, I am complaining, whining, disrespecting others (my husband mainly...ugly confession #2), yelling, grumbling, etc.... the ugly list goes on and on. These things cannot be so. I cannot have both things come out of my mouth and expect God to inhabit my praises. Uggg, why does it take me so long to learn these lessons?? Now I am by no means saying that I have now mastered this problem and it will never happen again... by NO means. But I am aware of it now, and I do know that if I want to be in the presence of the Almighty and if I want Him to respond to my words, I better watch them carefully!!
There are just no words to express the joy in my heart today. I have had to speak some, to my grandparents, to the people at the garden nursery where I bought the organic vegetables we are planting tomorrow! (yay!!) And a couple of other times....But when I speak, it is different. It isn't much and it is with careful humility, because I know I am supposed to be honoring a vow and I so desperately want God to bless it!
My continued prayer my gracious and loving Father is that you will change me. Give me a heart like yours and a love like yours. When people look at me, I want it to be You they see!
My "sorda" vow of silence
Well, the Lord has definitely taken me on a new adventure this week.... A "semi" vow of silence! For those of you who know me, you know this has got to be good....and interesting. Have you ever heard it said, "Be careful what you ask for?" Well, I am living that right now!
Yesterday morning, during my quiet time, I started writing in my prayer journal. Like most times, I was asking God to change me, make me more like Him. I was asking Him to give me a love and patience for my children like He has for me. I was asking Him to use me more right where I am. I was telling Him, "I want to be more like You, so when others see me or hear me, they actually see You".
To take you back a little ways, my prayer, for as long as I have known it was a problem, was for God to help me control my anger with my children. I have just desperately needed God's help to not let their disobedience and disrespect affect me the way it does, so that I can correct them in love and teach them about God's love. How God loves us NO MATTER who we are or what we do. But how can they know God's love, if my love is so hard to see? If I am impatient and mean when they are "bad", how can they understand unconditional love? That's not unconditional, it's conditional. I am not saying they do not need to be disciplined, they do. What I am saying, is that I need to learn how to discipline IN LOVE.
Not only have I wanted to be a better mother, but a better friend, not just to my friends, but to my extended family. I have asked God to change me to have a heart like His. A heart that does for others not because they deserve what I am doing, but because Christ did for me, when I definitely did not deserve it. (and then Wednesday night at church the message was on the "Good Samaritan" from Luke 10, which was more conformation God was speaking to me)
Yesterday morning when I was praying, and writing, all the verses that I have been teaching my kids kept flooding my heart. Ephesians 4:29 "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Philippians 2:14 "Do all things without murmurings and disputings:" Romans 12:10-21 (which I had them memorize) and so many more verses about the tongue, about lying, about how we speak to one another, about being a peacemaker, and about controlling our spirit. These verses where flooding my spirit like a wave. God's sweet voice whispering to me, "This is what you need". So I was talking to God, asking Him, begging Him really, to help me be that person and do what these verses say. And just as sweet and just as quietly I heard the whisper, "Your mouth". In that conversation of my searching for what God wanted me to do with "my mouth", I felt very strongly that not using it for a time will help me learn to control it. Not only will it help me control my tongue, but it will teach me to be a better listener as well. After my prayer, I felt confident that Jesus is starting this in me the day before His crucifixion for a reason and that I may begin talking on the day of His resurrection for a reason as well. What better day for me to stop talking and start reflecting on who I am in Christ?? And then what better day to begin talking again than on the day of new beginnings and new births? On the day my Jesus rose for me? To save me? I am completely humbled and honored to take this "semi" vow of silence, so that Jesus can teach me, so that I may listen for His voice, and so that I can be more like Him and less like me.
(And it is a "semi" because I am whispering when necessary....I do home-school my children so I felt confident that God was okay with me whispering. Yesterday was a great test... There was so much I wanted to say, but couldn't because either someone couldn't hear me, or whispering was just annoying....I did however, have to teach co-op yesterday so I had to talk for that, but this is a journey, and the point is that I am learning and God is changing me.... another reason it is a "semi" :))
I do ask for your prayers during this endeavor. Prayers that God will continue to change me and that He will give me the ability to "hold my tongue".
Forever His,
Michelle
Yesterday morning, during my quiet time, I started writing in my prayer journal. Like most times, I was asking God to change me, make me more like Him. I was asking Him to give me a love and patience for my children like He has for me. I was asking Him to use me more right where I am. I was telling Him, "I want to be more like You, so when others see me or hear me, they actually see You".
To take you back a little ways, my prayer, for as long as I have known it was a problem, was for God to help me control my anger with my children. I have just desperately needed God's help to not let their disobedience and disrespect affect me the way it does, so that I can correct them in love and teach them about God's love. How God loves us NO MATTER who we are or what we do. But how can they know God's love, if my love is so hard to see? If I am impatient and mean when they are "bad", how can they understand unconditional love? That's not unconditional, it's conditional. I am not saying they do not need to be disciplined, they do. What I am saying, is that I need to learn how to discipline IN LOVE.
Not only have I wanted to be a better mother, but a better friend, not just to my friends, but to my extended family. I have asked God to change me to have a heart like His. A heart that does for others not because they deserve what I am doing, but because Christ did for me, when I definitely did not deserve it. (and then Wednesday night at church the message was on the "Good Samaritan" from Luke 10, which was more conformation God was speaking to me)
Yesterday morning when I was praying, and writing, all the verses that I have been teaching my kids kept flooding my heart. Ephesians 4:29 "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Philippians 2:14 "Do all things without murmurings and disputings:" Romans 12:10-21 (which I had them memorize) and so many more verses about the tongue, about lying, about how we speak to one another, about being a peacemaker, and about controlling our spirit. These verses where flooding my spirit like a wave. God's sweet voice whispering to me, "This is what you need". So I was talking to God, asking Him, begging Him really, to help me be that person and do what these verses say. And just as sweet and just as quietly I heard the whisper, "Your mouth". In that conversation of my searching for what God wanted me to do with "my mouth", I felt very strongly that not using it for a time will help me learn to control it. Not only will it help me control my tongue, but it will teach me to be a better listener as well. After my prayer, I felt confident that Jesus is starting this in me the day before His crucifixion for a reason and that I may begin talking on the day of His resurrection for a reason as well. What better day for me to stop talking and start reflecting on who I am in Christ?? And then what better day to begin talking again than on the day of new beginnings and new births? On the day my Jesus rose for me? To save me? I am completely humbled and honored to take this "semi" vow of silence, so that Jesus can teach me, so that I may listen for His voice, and so that I can be more like Him and less like me.
(And it is a "semi" because I am whispering when necessary....I do home-school my children so I felt confident that God was okay with me whispering. Yesterday was a great test... There was so much I wanted to say, but couldn't because either someone couldn't hear me, or whispering was just annoying....I did however, have to teach co-op yesterday so I had to talk for that, but this is a journey, and the point is that I am learning and God is changing me.... another reason it is a "semi" :))
I do ask for your prayers during this endeavor. Prayers that God will continue to change me and that He will give me the ability to "hold my tongue".
Forever His,
Michelle
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