My sister and I say, "If you want to see God laugh, tell Him your plans." Well He must be laughing hysterically at me right now!
It all started last summer when I was introduced to Suzette Davie and her Ukrainian orphans. I had no idea how these precious children would captivate my heart. Sammy and I have known for a while that we wanted to adopt, but we have always said it would be a younger child. You know, between the ages of 2-5. Also, she would be a girl. We have 3 boys and 1 girl so naturally we would adopt a girl. And with adoption, you control what you get, right?? (Can you hear God laughing?)
After meeting and hanging out with them a few times, I knew changes were coming in my life and I needed to get ready. Through Suzette, and Grace to Ukraine, I met Brandy who introduced me to Project 143 and their hosting program. Through the hosting program you are mostly hosting older children who are more likely to age out of the orphanage soon. If you host younger ones, its because they are a part of a sibling set that has older siblings. Sammy and I knew we wanted to host this summer so we did the pre-authorization process in Jan or Feb and began praying about which child we should host. Then we found out about Hudson's skull and thought we were moving so we knew that our hosting plans needed to be put on hold. Well, praise God, Hudson did not require surgery and we decided not to move yet. I was scrolling on Facebook one night on my computer (because I had taken it off of my phone (another blog another night)) because I had not been on in a few days, when I see a post from "Grace to Ukraine" advocating for a girl that needed a host family. I immediately sent Brandy a message asking if we were still eligible. I just knew we had missed the window. She said we were. We were so excited! Just what WE had wanted, and 11yo girl! (still laughing)
Well, in good God fashion, we find out we are not able to host the young girl. The program did not feel like we were a good match for each other. So after this blow, as I sit on the couch thinking, "Really God? Here we are, willing, and ready, and we get nothing?".... Then Brandy types these words that would change our lives and hearts forever...
"Would you consider Y?"
I knew right away it was a boy. I just sat there staring at the computer. Then I looked at Sammy and I said, "Would you consider hosting a boy?" His answer is when I knew, this was God's plan. Sammy said, "How could we not?".
That is how God introduced us to Y. An orphan boy from the Ukraine.
It's never how we think it is going to look. It is always way better!
If we had any doubts that this was God's plan, he curbed those in the first 48 hours, because that is how fast we raised $2100.
Sammy and I did not have a penny to spare the night we agreed to host Y. We had to come up with $200 to pay that next day and then $1900 the following week. I wasn't worried about the $1900 as much as I was the $200 because our bank account was empty. Here is the thing about Sammy and I, we are not wealthy. We don't just have money sitting around when we need to grab a couple hundred here and there. It's just not the life God has given us. I am sure because He knows in His sovereignty that we wouldn't have gotten where we are in our relationship with Him if he had allowed us that luxury. He is good like that and knows our hearts better than we do. :)
Well, I sent an email and posted on Facebook about what we were doing and what we needed. Before morning, we had $500. Within 48 hours, we had it all. When I say I am amazed by God and how He showed himself faithful through our friends and family, I mean, He showed OFF!! He truly has a heart for the orphan. All He wants is someone willing.
I have heard Sammy say several times throughout this process that "we say we have faith, that we trust God, that we want to follow and obey Him, but when it comes down to it, and He ask us to step out, will we? Do we really have faith, or are those just the words we say?"
Sammy and I are trusting God to guide us. He has not failed us so far and we have no doubts that He will not fail us in the future.
Y is here! He is precious.
I saw him right away, coming up the escalator. I knew it was him. I recognized him from his pictures. I watched him. I stood there, in awe of my big God and how He has already given me a love for this child that I had only just now seen in person. It was really like the world stopped for a minute and I just stared at him. I wondered how he would change our lives, all of ours, and how we would change his. I wondered how I could love him, really love him, the way Christ calls us to. I wondered how I was going to show him who Christ was and when I could put that jacket he had on in the washing machine.... It was a long moment. haha Our last name is "Tice" and they went alphabetically. I watched him stand there next to the lady with the list. He kept pointing and talking. I knew he was wanting to know why she wasn't calling him. There was so much going on around me, but I couldn't take my eyes off of him... My kids were talking, arguing, whining, but I barely noticed. I was just listening for my name... Then it was called, and I pushed my way through the crowd, because I was in the back. The whole time screaming at myself "DO NOT CRY.... DO NOT CRY!! You are going to totally freak him out if you cry!!!!" When I got to him, it was awkward... I'm just being honest... We hugged and I was snapped back to reality of here I am, an American mommy, and here he is, a Ukrainian orphan, and he is coming home with me. I immediately went into "fix it and make it better mode".... I started barking orders at everyone. One thing they kept reiterating at P143 was not to wait around after you met your child. Get your picture made (Ukrainian government rule) and get out. So I walked Y over to the kids, they introduced themselves and Sammy shook his hand. Then he shook McKains hand and went and stood beside him. (and pretty much hasn't left it since). Then the bag fiasco... One of the things they told us to ask them was if they had checked any luggage. Well I don't speak Russian. (The language we thought he spoke) I took him to a translator and she told me he did have luggage. She said to go to baggage claim #2. Easy enough right? So, off we head, Sammy, myself, our four kids and Y. We make it to baggage claim 2 and he walks around the entire thing.... 3 times.... no bag. He starts to panic. Obviously we don't know what he is saying, but we can figure its about his bag. He starts to walk off. I yell for McKain to follow him (which he already was)... I begin trying to call people on my phone who may speak Russian or know someone who does.... My first few calls give me voice mails.... Okay, so here is where the calm, I've got it all together Michelle leaves for a few minutes and allows, I'm freaking out, this is terrible, I just want to crawl in a whole and cry Michelle to come in.... Sorry for all of those who had to encounter her for those few minutes.... Very long story short, we were at the North baggage claim and needed to be at the South. We found his bag! He was thrilled! We were thrilled!! Off to the car we went.....
There is so much more to this story, but it's already so long and I am so tired. I will write the rest tomorrow.
I am writing this for myself and Sammy, for Y, for my kids and for anyone who loves us and wants to remember how this journey began. I don't know how or to what extent, but I know our lives are changed forever now because of this precious Ukrainian. I do know that I want more than anything to be obedient to my God. It's the least I can do.....
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
"Forgotten Blog" meets "Needed somewhere to write this all down"
Oh this thing called life.... With all its ups and downs and ins and outs....
At the end of it all, I want to look back at my life and say, "I tried my best to glorify God in all I did."
To the humanist, and atheist and agnostic, this may seem like such a wasted life. But to the Christ-follower, there is no other way to live. And if we are living any other way, then we quite possibly are not following Christ.
In all of us there is this need, this desire, to be accepted, to be loved, to be needed. God put that there. (whether you acknowledge Him or not) He put it there so we would seek Him out, because when we seek Him, we WILL find Him. It's a promise. (Jeremiah 29:13, Proverbs 8:17)
But back to this need.... we all search for it in different ways. We try to find acceptance in the world, with other people, with things, with animals, we surround ourselves with what the "world" has to offer and always end up feeling empty. Not satisfied. So we fill ourselves with more things.... and again, emptiness. It's a viscous cycle. One that some of us will repeat util we die. Others of us, however, will surrender. We give up trying to do it ourselves, and we will allow God to fill us.
This is where true freedom lies. True Joy. True Peace. True Satisfaction. And in the moments of complete surrender, you can watch God move on your behalf and in your life, and you will be forever changed.
Us Christ followers.... We are not perfect.... No, we are far from it, but what we have realized is just that. That we are not perfect. In fact, that we are pretty messed up. And in desperate, DESPERATE, need of saving. Saving from ourselves, from our choices, from our consequences, from our mistakes. Sure, our mistakes make us who we are, but because of what God does with those mistakes. Because of his promise to work all things together for good for those who are called according to HIS purpose! (Romans 8:28)
It takes humility to be a follower of Christ. And humility, it is hard to come by these days. Even among us Christ followers. Even though we know we need saving, we want it to be on our terms. Christ tells us to die to ourselves daily. To take up our cross and follow him. And to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling....(Acts 17:11, Phil 2:12) I am understanding more and more why this is a daily process. Because that is how quickly we forget who we are and WHO we are following. Even as people of "The Way", we still try to fill ourselves with the things of this world to satisfy.
I watch myself and my brothers and sisters in the faith, fill ourselves with politics, entertainment, work, fashion, social networking, eating right, exercising, fill in the blank..... True, these things in and of themselves are harmless, but its when they our idols, more important than our walk with Christ and the thieves of our HUMILITY, that they become a problem.
I will get to the end of the day sometimes and wonder, "How did I get here?" "At what point in the day did I stop following Christ, and start following my self?" It happens often, more often than my pride would like to admit to you. But it happens, A LOT.
(squirrel chase coming...)
And here is a huge part of the problem... We have stopped holding each other accountable. We have stopped asking the hard questions.... but not because we are lacking in "judgmental" people. NOOOOOO, we have plenty of those in our "Christ-following" circles. What we are lacking, is genuine friendships. True, Iron sharpening Iron, relationships. (Prov 27:17) Relationships where we feel safe. Safe to be honest, and confident that we will receive honesty in return. We offer too many opinions and not enough truth from God's Word. We aren't studying God's Word together anymore and we are just throwing around our opinion about how we think things should be done. (and usually not to the persons face our opinion is about) It's a shame really. The name we have given Christ.
(back to the point)
I have come to a place in my life.... A faith place.... Where I know God is moving.... Where He is changing me. Changing me for His glory, and for His purpose and for His good.
In all honesty, I am afraid.
What God calls us too looks crazy to the rest of the world.
But I AM TIRED OF THE WORLD!!!!
I have tried this world.... over and over and over.... and every time, it leaves me empty.
I just want Jesus. All of Him. None of me.
Changes are coming. And I can't wait!
At the end of it all, I want to look back at my life and say, "I tried my best to glorify God in all I did."
To the humanist, and atheist and agnostic, this may seem like such a wasted life. But to the Christ-follower, there is no other way to live. And if we are living any other way, then we quite possibly are not following Christ.
In all of us there is this need, this desire, to be accepted, to be loved, to be needed. God put that there. (whether you acknowledge Him or not) He put it there so we would seek Him out, because when we seek Him, we WILL find Him. It's a promise. (Jeremiah 29:13, Proverbs 8:17)
But back to this need.... we all search for it in different ways. We try to find acceptance in the world, with other people, with things, with animals, we surround ourselves with what the "world" has to offer and always end up feeling empty. Not satisfied. So we fill ourselves with more things.... and again, emptiness. It's a viscous cycle. One that some of us will repeat util we die. Others of us, however, will surrender. We give up trying to do it ourselves, and we will allow God to fill us.
This is where true freedom lies. True Joy. True Peace. True Satisfaction. And in the moments of complete surrender, you can watch God move on your behalf and in your life, and you will be forever changed.
Us Christ followers.... We are not perfect.... No, we are far from it, but what we have realized is just that. That we are not perfect. In fact, that we are pretty messed up. And in desperate, DESPERATE, need of saving. Saving from ourselves, from our choices, from our consequences, from our mistakes. Sure, our mistakes make us who we are, but because of what God does with those mistakes. Because of his promise to work all things together for good for those who are called according to HIS purpose! (Romans 8:28)
It takes humility to be a follower of Christ. And humility, it is hard to come by these days. Even among us Christ followers. Even though we know we need saving, we want it to be on our terms. Christ tells us to die to ourselves daily. To take up our cross and follow him. And to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling....(Acts 17:11, Phil 2:12) I am understanding more and more why this is a daily process. Because that is how quickly we forget who we are and WHO we are following. Even as people of "The Way", we still try to fill ourselves with the things of this world to satisfy.
I watch myself and my brothers and sisters in the faith, fill ourselves with politics, entertainment, work, fashion, social networking, eating right, exercising, fill in the blank..... True, these things in and of themselves are harmless, but its when they our idols, more important than our walk with Christ and the thieves of our HUMILITY, that they become a problem.
I will get to the end of the day sometimes and wonder, "How did I get here?" "At what point in the day did I stop following Christ, and start following my self?" It happens often, more often than my pride would like to admit to you. But it happens, A LOT.
(squirrel chase coming...)
And here is a huge part of the problem... We have stopped holding each other accountable. We have stopped asking the hard questions.... but not because we are lacking in "judgmental" people. NOOOOOO, we have plenty of those in our "Christ-following" circles. What we are lacking, is genuine friendships. True, Iron sharpening Iron, relationships. (Prov 27:17) Relationships where we feel safe. Safe to be honest, and confident that we will receive honesty in return. We offer too many opinions and not enough truth from God's Word. We aren't studying God's Word together anymore and we are just throwing around our opinion about how we think things should be done. (and usually not to the persons face our opinion is about) It's a shame really. The name we have given Christ.
(back to the point)
I have come to a place in my life.... A faith place.... Where I know God is moving.... Where He is changing me. Changing me for His glory, and for His purpose and for His good.
In all honesty, I am afraid.
What God calls us too looks crazy to the rest of the world.
But I AM TIRED OF THE WORLD!!!!
I have tried this world.... over and over and over.... and every time, it leaves me empty.
I just want Jesus. All of Him. None of me.
Changes are coming. And I can't wait!
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Day 4, Day 5
Ugh, so mad at myself for missing yesterday!!
It was just SOOOO busy I couldn't stop to blog! It was a great day though!
Made some shirts BY MY SELF :), had a play day at the park with great friends, came home and cleaned the house with the help of a precious teenager, cooked Chili and then had precious friends over for dinner!!
It was a very blessed fun filled day.
Now it's Saturday and the fun continues!!!
It was just SOOOO busy I couldn't stop to blog! It was a great day though!
Made some shirts BY MY SELF :), had a play day at the park with great friends, came home and cleaned the house with the help of a precious teenager, cooked Chili and then had precious friends over for dinner!!
It was a very blessed fun filled day.
Now it's Saturday and the fun continues!!!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Day 3
I so did NOT want to post today, but my blog was taunting me.... Saying, "it's only day three and you are already quitting??" You know, in that accusatory tone!!
So, here I am!
Today started off bad. I went to sleep about 3am because they were predicting "possible" severe weather. It will probably be a while before I can sleep through one of those weather reports again! I finally dragged myself out of bed at 8:30. Although had been awake since 7:30 with a precious three year old rolling all over me.
The kids totally take advantage of me when they know I'm tired. "Mommy, we're gonna go play outside so we don't bother you!" They're so giving an thoughtful!! Ha
We had a paint class today with this amazing South African lady in Moody. She is such a sweet Christian and teacher and SUPER talented! I'm attaching pictures of the kids paintings. They blew my mind!!
When we got home, the kids did there school for today and tomorrow because they didn't want to do school tomorrow! Oh the joys of homeschool. The only rules were it ALL had to be done and they had to work together. They finished about 2 hours ago. Worth it to them though!!
My afternoon got worse. Bad cramps and heart racing... (Which I am sure was caused by anxiety over the cramps) all normal I'm sure, but still no fun! Thankfully I put dinner in the crock pot this morning so that was done. Beef stew... Good stuff if you're not nauseous!
To top it all off, Sammy is making me watch some awful Star Trek movie from 1970 I think. OMW it's awful!!
So this is a pretty boring post. A journal entry more like it. Sorry, it's just been one of those days!
Sometimes, most times, I feel so guilty for all the comforts I take advantage of daily and that I am NOT being persecuted for being a Christian like nearly ALL of the New Testament books say we will be. But on days like today I am SO THANKFUL for these comforts and praise God for ALL the undeserved blessings I enjoy. I worry how long they will last and how in the world we will cope when they are taken from us.... But today, I am thankful!! So very thankful!!!!
Goodnight!!
So, here I am!
Today started off bad. I went to sleep about 3am because they were predicting "possible" severe weather. It will probably be a while before I can sleep through one of those weather reports again! I finally dragged myself out of bed at 8:30. Although had been awake since 7:30 with a precious three year old rolling all over me.
The kids totally take advantage of me when they know I'm tired. "Mommy, we're gonna go play outside so we don't bother you!" They're so giving an thoughtful!! Ha
We had a paint class today with this amazing South African lady in Moody. She is such a sweet Christian and teacher and SUPER talented! I'm attaching pictures of the kids paintings. They blew my mind!!
When we got home, the kids did there school for today and tomorrow because they didn't want to do school tomorrow! Oh the joys of homeschool. The only rules were it ALL had to be done and they had to work together. They finished about 2 hours ago. Worth it to them though!!
My afternoon got worse. Bad cramps and heart racing... (Which I am sure was caused by anxiety over the cramps) all normal I'm sure, but still no fun! Thankfully I put dinner in the crock pot this morning so that was done. Beef stew... Good stuff if you're not nauseous!
To top it all off, Sammy is making me watch some awful Star Trek movie from 1970 I think. OMW it's awful!!
So this is a pretty boring post. A journal entry more like it. Sorry, it's just been one of those days!
Sometimes, most times, I feel so guilty for all the comforts I take advantage of daily and that I am NOT being persecuted for being a Christian like nearly ALL of the New Testament books say we will be. But on days like today I am SO THANKFUL for these comforts and praise God for ALL the undeserved blessings I enjoy. I worry how long they will last and how in the world we will cope when they are taken from us.... But today, I am thankful!! So very thankful!!!!
Goodnight!!
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Day 2....
Today I am so tired.... It has not been a productive day to say the least. I guess two days of energy in a row is too much to ask! Ha!
For those that read this and do not know, my sister and I own our own t-shirt business. I make shirts on Monday's and Wednesday's normally, but on occasion, I make them on Thursday or Friday too. I knew today was a shirt day so I rested extra this morning so I would have the energy to stand at the heat press for two hours. The business has been a blessing. It has supplemented income for us that we really need at times. Do I enjoy it? I'd hate to lie in my blog.... Let's just say, I am thankful for it! We make cute stuff so it's fun to see our creations when they are on the finished product...just getting there is not so fun! :) For the last few months, however, we have had a helper come and help me make shirts. That has been a LIFE SAVER!! On days she cannot come, I realize just what a blessing she is!! ;)
My kids have had good days the last couple of days. I know my attitude toward them affects their behavior. I made a point that every morning when we all get up, I will spend time hugging each one of them individually as long as they will let me. I will not break the hug, when they are done, they get up. It has been great! McKain hugs the tightest and for the longest. He melts my heart. He is so soft and loving on the inside. I cannot wait to see what kind of husband he is going to be.
Last night was my Bible study with my precious sisters in Christ, God in His grace has connected me with! We talked about so much. Their relationship is so vital in my walk. God is amazing in how he orchestrated our relationship and brought us together. I honestly do not know what I would do without them in this stage in my life. They literally sharpen me with God's Word, just like it says!
We talked about parenting. The question was asked, "How do kids understand the gospel when we have such a hard time understanding it? How do we truly and fully explain it to them?" I mentioned how I pray daily for my kids that God will reveal Himself to them. That they will realize their salvation is a journey, a wonderfully difficult journey that will last their entire lives. I want them to grasp that if they hold onto Jesus, He will never let go of them. I don't want them to misunderstand and think it is going to be easy, or that they will be perfect. One of my very wise friends shared a story of how one of her friends "parents". It was amazing. I have already used it today. Let me see if I can explain it in writing... (I am going to present it as a scenario that happened and maybe it will be easier to understand)
Samantha and McKain are playing. Samantha decides, she wants the toy McKain has, so she takes it. McKain retaliates by hitting Samantha. She hits him back. The fight is on. When it is finally brought to me, they are both wounded and crying. This is were the gospel comes in.... I ask Samantha, "Why did you take the toy?" She says, "Because I wanted it." (typically answer, but I am trying to get to the heart of it, the "sin") I say, "yes, but what inside you made you think you could just take it if you wanted it?" She reluctantly says, "selfishness". I ask, "What is selfishness?" She says, "A sin". I ask, "Samantha, why do we sin?" She answers, "Because we are sinners and we are not good." I ask, "Samantha, did God give us rules to show us how bad we are?" She answers, "Um, no?". I say, "You are right, then why did He give us so many rules?" She says, (as innocent and precious as anyone with child like faith), "To show us that we need Him." DING DING DING!! She got it!! I say, "Yes baby! That is why! That is what our sin reminds us of daily!! Not just that we are awful rotten sinners with no hope of being any better, but that we need SAVING!!" I asked her, "Samantha, who is our Savior? Who has rescued us from ourselves?" Without hesitation McKain belts out, "Jesus!" I told them both, "Every time you sin, I want you to be reminded of why you sin, because you need a Savior. I also want you to remember that you HAVE a Savior, one that never sinned. He has rescued us all from ourselves and our sin." "Don't let your sin only remind you of how awful you are, but of how WONDERFUL God is!!"
It was amazing! The way they saw it, the Gospel in action. Living it daily in their own little lives!! Thank you Jesus for the Gospel! Thank you for Saving us!
We must all remind ourselves of the Gospel daily!! We must die to ourselves daily, take up our cross daily and work out our own salvation with fear and trembling!! (Luke 9:23, I Corn 15:31, Phil 2:12)
Thank you for revelations of your amazing love God!!
For those that read this and do not know, my sister and I own our own t-shirt business. I make shirts on Monday's and Wednesday's normally, but on occasion, I make them on Thursday or Friday too. I knew today was a shirt day so I rested extra this morning so I would have the energy to stand at the heat press for two hours. The business has been a blessing. It has supplemented income for us that we really need at times. Do I enjoy it? I'd hate to lie in my blog.... Let's just say, I am thankful for it! We make cute stuff so it's fun to see our creations when they are on the finished product...just getting there is not so fun! :) For the last few months, however, we have had a helper come and help me make shirts. That has been a LIFE SAVER!! On days she cannot come, I realize just what a blessing she is!! ;)
My kids have had good days the last couple of days. I know my attitude toward them affects their behavior. I made a point that every morning when we all get up, I will spend time hugging each one of them individually as long as they will let me. I will not break the hug, when they are done, they get up. It has been great! McKain hugs the tightest and for the longest. He melts my heart. He is so soft and loving on the inside. I cannot wait to see what kind of husband he is going to be.
Last night was my Bible study with my precious sisters in Christ, God in His grace has connected me with! We talked about so much. Their relationship is so vital in my walk. God is amazing in how he orchestrated our relationship and brought us together. I honestly do not know what I would do without them in this stage in my life. They literally sharpen me with God's Word, just like it says!
We talked about parenting. The question was asked, "How do kids understand the gospel when we have such a hard time understanding it? How do we truly and fully explain it to them?" I mentioned how I pray daily for my kids that God will reveal Himself to them. That they will realize their salvation is a journey, a wonderfully difficult journey that will last their entire lives. I want them to grasp that if they hold onto Jesus, He will never let go of them. I don't want them to misunderstand and think it is going to be easy, or that they will be perfect. One of my very wise friends shared a story of how one of her friends "parents". It was amazing. I have already used it today. Let me see if I can explain it in writing... (I am going to present it as a scenario that happened and maybe it will be easier to understand)
Samantha and McKain are playing. Samantha decides, she wants the toy McKain has, so she takes it. McKain retaliates by hitting Samantha. She hits him back. The fight is on. When it is finally brought to me, they are both wounded and crying. This is were the gospel comes in.... I ask Samantha, "Why did you take the toy?" She says, "Because I wanted it." (typically answer, but I am trying to get to the heart of it, the "sin") I say, "yes, but what inside you made you think you could just take it if you wanted it?" She reluctantly says, "selfishness". I ask, "What is selfishness?" She says, "A sin". I ask, "Samantha, why do we sin?" She answers, "Because we are sinners and we are not good." I ask, "Samantha, did God give us rules to show us how bad we are?" She answers, "Um, no?". I say, "You are right, then why did He give us so many rules?" She says, (as innocent and precious as anyone with child like faith), "To show us that we need Him." DING DING DING!! She got it!! I say, "Yes baby! That is why! That is what our sin reminds us of daily!! Not just that we are awful rotten sinners with no hope of being any better, but that we need SAVING!!" I asked her, "Samantha, who is our Savior? Who has rescued us from ourselves?" Without hesitation McKain belts out, "Jesus!" I told them both, "Every time you sin, I want you to be reminded of why you sin, because you need a Savior. I also want you to remember that you HAVE a Savior, one that never sinned. He has rescued us all from ourselves and our sin." "Don't let your sin only remind you of how awful you are, but of how WONDERFUL God is!!"
It was amazing! The way they saw it, the Gospel in action. Living it daily in their own little lives!! Thank you Jesus for the Gospel! Thank you for Saving us!
We must all remind ourselves of the Gospel daily!! We must die to ourselves daily, take up our cross daily and work out our own salvation with fear and trembling!! (Luke 9:23, I Corn 15:31, Phil 2:12)
Thank you for revelations of your amazing love God!!
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
31 Post in 31 Days.... hahahaha
So, because everyone else is doing it... I thought I would give it a try. Thirty-one post in thirty-one days is going to be quite a challenge for me seeing as how I post once every 6 mths... but I'm gonna give it a go.
I'm not sure if every day will have a topic, or if it is just going to be a journal.
Today is definitely a journal day....
As I type it is 3:03 on Tuesday, Oct 16, 2012. I am being constantly interrupted by children who have not finished their school for the day because they decided to play the day away instead of do their work. That's fine with me, but they hate still doing school after 3 when as they say "Real school kids are done"..... Oh the beauty and joys of homeschool.
The last few weeks of home-school have been very rocky for us. We started out STRONG, but then precious miracle #4 appeared on the scene and decided to make me a WRECK!! I have been exhausted all the day, even with 12 hours of sleep, and nauseous all the time. For a couple of weeks, I had absolutely no appetite. I had to make myself eat and usually what I wanted was JUNK!! Thankfully my appetite has come back along with an ability to function at least 8 hours of the day. I still get very tired, but it's usually after lunch just for an hour or so and then at night around 7 or 8. That's workable!
Parker Wayne turned 3 yesterday. Where did the time go? I have really wanted to enjoy every single second of his babyhood because I feel like I missed so much of the other two's. I have been so blessed to be able to stay at home with him for most of his life and watch how God is developing him into exactly who He created him to be!! He is so articulate with his words. He told me Sunday, "Mom, I can det my tumb to hold down my pinky now, see". He was making the three symbol and was so proud of himself. It's like his brain is ahead of his body sometimes... He knows what he wants to do, he just cant get his body to cooperate. He has quit the passy and is, for the most part, potty trained. (both of these task he accomplished earlier than the other two) He loves to do school with us and ask everyday, even Saturday and Sunday, if he can "do school". He knows his colors and shapes and we are working on letters and numbers. He is great at coloring and even holds his pencil the correct way. He's been doing that for a couple of years. We are still not sure if he is going to be right or left handed as he still uses both for just about everything. He is definitely the joy of our family....can't wait to see how he is with our new blessing!! :)
Spiritually I am in a rut...I've been here for a few weeks now. You know, one of those "weeding out" times when you feel like God is pruning you. Taking out those things that He doesn't like and trying to replace them with more of Himself. (notice I say trying) There has to be some part of us that is willing. I think that has been the struggle, my unwillingness. It's not that consciously I do not want God to change me, because nothing could be further from the truth. But the things about me that He is changing are things that have been a part of who I am for as long as I can remember. Sorta like, "I don't know how to be anything else". I know in the end, God will win and I will be changed and be the better for it, but man is the process painful. These are the times when I feel so far away from Him. When I feel exposed and raw, like the whole world can see my sin because it is written all over me! Don't get me wrong, I am OH SO thankful for these times because 1.) It is proof that He has not given up on me and is STILL working, 2.) I become aware of things I had no idea of and get to watch Him change them and then in return see more of Him and His word, and 3.)There is a mountain-top in my future!! :) Boy are those mountain-tops grand!!
I am so thankful for a forgiving, loving God who has redeemed me back to Himself. I am thankful that the blinders have been taken off my eyes and I am allowed to see my sin and see the truth of who my Creator is. I hurt, deeply hurt, for those who are still blind. Especially for those who are blinded by false truth. The ones who think it is the religion and the practice of that religion that will save them. The ones who think what they are doing and have been doing is their salvation and really have no clue that they are as lost and the atheist debating about the existence of a god.
I am aware of my responsibility to the lost world as a follower of Christ. I am desperately seeking Him and how I can serve Him and my purpose. I beg Him daily to use me, right where I am, or to send me where He needs me. I do not want the blessing of serving Him in this life to pass me by. I want to do all I can for The ONE who gave it all for me.
We must be purposeful on our journey. We must not just live life as though pleasing ourselves and our children is all there is, when in actuality, it's not any of it. Happiness and joy should only come from One Source. This world can not give us anything compared to riches in our Savior. His Word says so.
(Rom 8:18)
That is all for today, until tomorrow....
I'm not sure if every day will have a topic, or if it is just going to be a journal.
Today is definitely a journal day....
As I type it is 3:03 on Tuesday, Oct 16, 2012. I am being constantly interrupted by children who have not finished their school for the day because they decided to play the day away instead of do their work. That's fine with me, but they hate still doing school after 3 when as they say "Real school kids are done"..... Oh the beauty and joys of homeschool.
The last few weeks of home-school have been very rocky for us. We started out STRONG, but then precious miracle #4 appeared on the scene and decided to make me a WRECK!! I have been exhausted all the day, even with 12 hours of sleep, and nauseous all the time. For a couple of weeks, I had absolutely no appetite. I had to make myself eat and usually what I wanted was JUNK!! Thankfully my appetite has come back along with an ability to function at least 8 hours of the day. I still get very tired, but it's usually after lunch just for an hour or so and then at night around 7 or 8. That's workable!
Parker Wayne turned 3 yesterday. Where did the time go? I have really wanted to enjoy every single second of his babyhood because I feel like I missed so much of the other two's. I have been so blessed to be able to stay at home with him for most of his life and watch how God is developing him into exactly who He created him to be!! He is so articulate with his words. He told me Sunday, "Mom, I can det my tumb to hold down my pinky now, see". He was making the three symbol and was so proud of himself. It's like his brain is ahead of his body sometimes... He knows what he wants to do, he just cant get his body to cooperate. He has quit the passy and is, for the most part, potty trained. (both of these task he accomplished earlier than the other two) He loves to do school with us and ask everyday, even Saturday and Sunday, if he can "do school". He knows his colors and shapes and we are working on letters and numbers. He is great at coloring and even holds his pencil the correct way. He's been doing that for a couple of years. We are still not sure if he is going to be right or left handed as he still uses both for just about everything. He is definitely the joy of our family....can't wait to see how he is with our new blessing!! :)
Spiritually I am in a rut...I've been here for a few weeks now. You know, one of those "weeding out" times when you feel like God is pruning you. Taking out those things that He doesn't like and trying to replace them with more of Himself. (notice I say trying) There has to be some part of us that is willing. I think that has been the struggle, my unwillingness. It's not that consciously I do not want God to change me, because nothing could be further from the truth. But the things about me that He is changing are things that have been a part of who I am for as long as I can remember. Sorta like, "I don't know how to be anything else". I know in the end, God will win and I will be changed and be the better for it, but man is the process painful. These are the times when I feel so far away from Him. When I feel exposed and raw, like the whole world can see my sin because it is written all over me! Don't get me wrong, I am OH SO thankful for these times because 1.) It is proof that He has not given up on me and is STILL working, 2.) I become aware of things I had no idea of and get to watch Him change them and then in return see more of Him and His word, and 3.)There is a mountain-top in my future!! :) Boy are those mountain-tops grand!!
I am so thankful for a forgiving, loving God who has redeemed me back to Himself. I am thankful that the blinders have been taken off my eyes and I am allowed to see my sin and see the truth of who my Creator is. I hurt, deeply hurt, for those who are still blind. Especially for those who are blinded by false truth. The ones who think it is the religion and the practice of that religion that will save them. The ones who think what they are doing and have been doing is their salvation and really have no clue that they are as lost and the atheist debating about the existence of a god.
I am aware of my responsibility to the lost world as a follower of Christ. I am desperately seeking Him and how I can serve Him and my purpose. I beg Him daily to use me, right where I am, or to send me where He needs me. I do not want the blessing of serving Him in this life to pass me by. I want to do all I can for The ONE who gave it all for me.
We must be purposeful on our journey. We must not just live life as though pleasing ourselves and our children is all there is, when in actuality, it's not any of it. Happiness and joy should only come from One Source. This world can not give us anything compared to riches in our Savior. His Word says so.
(Rom 8:18)
That is all for today, until tomorrow....
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
The last day of the vow and now....
I have been meaning to type this since Saturday night, but you know how life gets in the way.
I am going to be completely honest, day three was HARD!! I was getting on my own nerves with the whispering. My kids were constantly saying, "Mom, can you please just TALK to us?" Ha... There were a few "accidents" where I talked. One was at Family Christian Book store. I am not proud of the moment, and it was definitely an "aha" moment. I felt like when I got in the car God was saying, "and THAT is why I wanted you to take this vow". What was said is not a big deal, but the gist is that two ladies at the register where having a conversation, and without even THINKING about it, I interjected my two cents. (neither one of them asked, and then after I had my say, they both looked at me with the expression of, "who asked you?") When the moment was over, I was so ashamed. However, I got it. I saw the sin, and I learned from the situation. My opinion does not always have to heard. In fact, most of the time it doesn't. Unless someone has specifically asked for it and I have prayed about how to respond. So many times I think, "Oh, I really need to tell them what I think about this!" But truly, I don't. In fact, none of us do. The Bible only talks about using The Word for correction a few times, while it talks about "loving you neighbor" and "using your words for good" all throughout. I definitely worry too much about letting everyone know my OPINION and not enough about letting them know what God's word says! I do not always have to be talking just to talk.
I really do not believe I ever realized just how much of my sin revolved around my mouth. I know last blog I mentioned about "praising and cursing" coming out of the same mouth, and interrupting people while they are talking to me. This last day, laziness was another aspect that was brought to light. I didn't realize how much I "hollered" for people. "SAMANTHA, BRING ME _____." "MCKAIN, WHAT DID YOU SAY?" "PARKER, YOU BETTER COME HERE RIGHT NOW!!" What a lazy bones I am! Well, when you are taking a "vow of semi-silence", you cannot yell for people, so I had to get up ALOT!
I am walking away from this "vow" different. Maybe others can't see as much on the outside, but there is a big difference on the inside, and I know in time, it will work it's way out. I honestly wish I could still whisper. I cannot describe the peace I felt those three days. There was such a closeness with God, such a fellowship. My MOUTH wasn't getting in the way. This vow may be something that happens again and again until I get it right. I know that I am willing to do whatever God calls me to do, because I am so desperate to be like Him and to be close to Him.
My precious and loving Father, thank you for what you are doing in me. Thank you for loving me enough to spend time on me and change me. Thank you for being patient and long suffering with me. Thank you for blessings I DO NOT deserve. And most of all, thank you for my precious Jesus, who took my cross and died in my place, but who overcame death and the grave and rose again, for me, so that I can spend forever with you!! I love you!!
I am going to be completely honest, day three was HARD!! I was getting on my own nerves with the whispering. My kids were constantly saying, "Mom, can you please just TALK to us?" Ha... There were a few "accidents" where I talked. One was at Family Christian Book store. I am not proud of the moment, and it was definitely an "aha" moment. I felt like when I got in the car God was saying, "and THAT is why I wanted you to take this vow". What was said is not a big deal, but the gist is that two ladies at the register where having a conversation, and without even THINKING about it, I interjected my two cents. (neither one of them asked, and then after I had my say, they both looked at me with the expression of, "who asked you?") When the moment was over, I was so ashamed. However, I got it. I saw the sin, and I learned from the situation. My opinion does not always have to heard. In fact, most of the time it doesn't. Unless someone has specifically asked for it and I have prayed about how to respond. So many times I think, "Oh, I really need to tell them what I think about this!" But truly, I don't. In fact, none of us do. The Bible only talks about using The Word for correction a few times, while it talks about "loving you neighbor" and "using your words for good" all throughout. I definitely worry too much about letting everyone know my OPINION and not enough about letting them know what God's word says! I do not always have to be talking just to talk.
I really do not believe I ever realized just how much of my sin revolved around my mouth. I know last blog I mentioned about "praising and cursing" coming out of the same mouth, and interrupting people while they are talking to me. This last day, laziness was another aspect that was brought to light. I didn't realize how much I "hollered" for people. "SAMANTHA, BRING ME _____." "MCKAIN, WHAT DID YOU SAY?" "PARKER, YOU BETTER COME HERE RIGHT NOW!!" What a lazy bones I am! Well, when you are taking a "vow of semi-silence", you cannot yell for people, so I had to get up ALOT!
I am walking away from this "vow" different. Maybe others can't see as much on the outside, but there is a big difference on the inside, and I know in time, it will work it's way out. I honestly wish I could still whisper. I cannot describe the peace I felt those three days. There was such a closeness with God, such a fellowship. My MOUTH wasn't getting in the way. This vow may be something that happens again and again until I get it right. I know that I am willing to do whatever God calls me to do, because I am so desperate to be like Him and to be close to Him.
My precious and loving Father, thank you for what you are doing in me. Thank you for loving me enough to spend time on me and change me. Thank you for being patient and long suffering with me. Thank you for blessings I DO NOT deserve. And most of all, thank you for my precious Jesus, who took my cross and died in my place, but who overcame death and the grave and rose again, for me, so that I can spend forever with you!! I love you!!
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